Among Prostitutes and Whores
So, if you couldn’t tell by the title, this post just might offend you. Honestly, I don’t really care anymore. The Church has spent thousands of years trying to “not offend” anyone, making compromises to appease the pagans. But this isn’t a historical post, so we won’t dive into that. As a disclaimer, I will not be referring to any specific congregation that I have ever attended. When I speak of “BIG C” Church, I am speaking of the entire body of Christ. In terms of “little c” church, I am speaking of the act of attending a local congregation. That said, here we go!
I’ve wanted to start attending church again for quite some time now. The problem arises every Sunday when I try so desperately to leave my home and head to any local congregation. I am absolutely disgusted by it, feeling like I am on my way to a brothel. I have begun to ask myself why. Why has the Church become a brothel of prostitutes? Were we not at one point the Bride of Christ? How did we lose our first Love, our truest Love? Does YHWH not still visit us there? Does He not still grace us with His presence? Does He not still long for His Bride? Yet we come in, sing our songs, listen to someone talk for a while, throw a smile on our faces, maybe make a donation, go through all the motions, stick with the program, and return to the World completely unchanged. Fake it and get out.
We look exactly like the World- the Whores.
I can see no difference between the Body of Christ and the World. When churches are governed as corporations with their non-profit status so they won’t have to pay taxes (btw- give to Caesar what is Caesar’s?), can we really still call ourselves a Bride? With multi-million dollar buildings, who’s using those buildings on any other day than Sunday? Can we not throw those doors open and declare “Come one, come all!”? Why must we treat our pastors like CEO’s? Why must pastors be reduced to managing people when they are called simply to love? (I’m sure there are plenty of pastors that know exactly what I’m talking about.) Speaking on a personal level, while getting out of ministry was one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had, it was one of the best possible decisions I could have ever made for one simple reason: I can love now, rather than managing people. The corporation Church looks a whole lot like the World. While She has successfully brought in plenty of converts, how many Christians have discovered the passionate, unadulterating love of the Most High God? While it’s easy to write a check or donate some old clothes, when has charity become an act of sacrificial, inconvenient love? Was it convenient for Jesus to stop and heal the blind beggar?
David said it best after dancing naked in the streets: “I’ll become even more undignified than this.” John the Baptist lived in the dessert and ate locusts. John the Apostle was exiled to an island. Moses wandered in the dessert, but he saw God. I don’t want to be dignified. I don’t want the good life. I am not a whore of the World. I am not a prostitute of the Church. I am undeniably a lover of Christ, and I’ll do whatever it takes to dwell in His presence. Nothing else matters.
a few short thoughts
so, i haven’t been posting lately because my life has been a little hectic, but i have still been writing and thought i would post a few different things here. they’re not all necessarily connected, but i can definitely see a theme.
…
The Church is a people who find ourselves rooted firmly in the iniquity of the systems we speak against. We are forging steel for skyscrapers while families are still living in tents. We are hording resources for our own children while soup kitchens run dry. We are bottle-feeding the infants of the world while our own have no sustenance for their souls. We are indebting ourselves to a lifestyle we were never supposed to have, acquiring mansions we were never supposed to dwell in, sacrificing our faith to defend indulgences we were never supposed to worship. We are enslaved.
…
You were raised in a virtuous home; loving father and a mother who always seemed to know the right answer. They trained you and your siblings to be charitable and demonstrated to you how to give thanks before every meal. At church, you were told about God and recited all the memory verses with the other children. There was David and Goliath, wee little Zachias and his sycamore tree, and sweet baby Moses floating down a river in a basket. You were told about the joys of self-provision and were thankful to depend on an economy dominated by good Christian businessmen. With one hand on your bank account and the other in the stock market, you swore allegiance to faith and coin, for “In God We Trust” was printed on every currency. But recently you have started to question if this is actually how God designed us to be. And you doubt if God is actually functioning through our man-made systems. Maybe, you ponder, God had a vitally peculiar economy in mind…
…
Deeper still, the love I want is a love that follows my emotional whims: a love of which I can justify familiarly, romantically, after over-analyzing and measurement of acts of confession. I want this love because it will substantiate my own selfish ambitions. It will validate my idea of being a self-actualized being. The final product is that I am my own love; and this love I’ve made becomes my hate. No one lays down their life for the love they wanted. No one is moved to justice by a self-serving love. No one is overcome with ambition to shelter the homeless, to defend the abused, to redeem the oppressor, to mend the broken, because of the love they wanted. They would much rather dwell in the safety of their self-assured circle of influence where it’s comfortable.
…
This reality acts as an uncontrollable vehicle setting off the triggers in the field of land mines of the love we desire, the love that prompts our own righteous indignation and self preservation, until it crumbles and exposes in its place a rather peculiar love, a humble love, a broken love, a love presented in the humility of spirit, a love that shows up in discipline and correction, in smile and embrace, in brother and friend: a love that boldly declares, “All is not lost; I am the Way.”
…
I believe in love. I believe in living it as a truth that cannot be denied, as an element that reaches far beyond romanticism, as a catalyst that compels justice. I believe in its righteousness, in its unequivocal power to unite the victim with the oppressor, to unite the broken man with the humble friend, to unite the parenthetical population with the majority that put them there.
…
In Reference to Resigning from Ministry
It was odd, but before that day I had never understood the pain of burying a broken, barely beating heart. When I watched them come down the stairs to take me in, I realized the truth, the undeniable injustice, of turning someone away when love is the greatest need. I was not dead, I was broken just as they were broken. My spirit was still ablaze—interceding for the people, counseling the abused, loving the despised, guiding the lost—everything useless in the end. I would still choose the greater Love when I drove away, when I was being shunned by the ones I once called family. My ears heard the defeated cries and ruined dreams, and my soul still ached, longed, pleaded—pleaded for the lives of the ones who had broken my heart. We were a band of fallen soldiers dying together, crawling, breathing, searching, believing the same truth; and in just a day, with a startling crash, one of our hearts would shatter – one truth less, one love less.
so, i wrote this about two and a half years ago and just came across it tonight, so i thought i’d put it up. enjoy!
-a
The Church confesses that she has posed no threat to the Powers and Systems of this world because she is self-abusive. Each limb is so absorbed in its own survival, it’s willing to cut and mar any other limb that attempts to work. The Powers have no need to bring harm to the Church because a self-abuser will eventually self-destruct.
The Church confesses that she has posed no threat to the Powers and Systems of this world because she has made herself irrelevant to the world. She has become a social club where only a select few may be accepted. There are few who have mastered the art of Hospitality, but what good is a friendly smile if no one is walking through the door to accept it? The Church has shown herself to have nothing to offer to the world at large, rather she is only accepting to those who are presentable.
The Church confesses that she has posed no threat to the Powers and Systems of this world because she has adopted the mentality of being a place rather than a people. A building is immobile, therefore her focus has been on convincing people to come to her (though she has made this task virtually impossible since she has become un-accepting and has stolen the authority to determine who may enter the Kingdom of Heaven and who may not.) However, as a people, the Church has arms and legs. She operates with strength from the Joy of YHWH and a wisdom in the knowledge of Truth. Therefore, she is able to go out and work the land. It’s simple. How can anyone expect to reap any sort of a harvest if they can’t even go out into the field?
The Church confesses that she has posed no threat to the Powers and Systems of this world because she does not know who’s kingdom she lives in, let alone which king she’s fighting for. She claims to fight for King Y’shua, yet when the epic is sung, she steps forward to claim the glory for herself.
i had a really good conversation with an old friend today. actually, we’ve been friends for 20 years now. we shared a lot of experiences growing up; some good, and many devastating. one such devastating experience was one of my first heartbreaks from the Church. i just stopped typing because after 10 years, i still don’t know how to talk about this. i just sit here and cry. *breathe* ok. without going into details, let’s just say that it took me eight years to go back to that church and sit on the stage…stand behind the pulpit…face the empty seats that my dad preached to…sit behind the piano and play the first key i learned there (A)…join the congregation in worship. i know deep within me that i have forgiven that congregation for the wrong that was done to my family- to my father. i remember being so angry the day that my dad announced his (forced) resignation. i actually stood up and walked out of the service. if no one else would take a stand for my family, at least i did. my family had done nothing wrong, yet we were abandoned. my friend’s family was also abandoned. she gets it. so we were talking today about how hard it is for us to trust the Church (or anyone really) not only because of what happened 10 years ago, but also because of what we have seen in other congregations since. we are both struggling with the concept of attending church now. we’ve noticed that several others who went through this 10 years ago are facing the same thing. in light of recent events in my life, i definitly have no desire to get involved with any church any time soon. it just seems to me that for something that was supposed to be defined by love, the Church is awefully abusive, especially to its leaders. a victim must forgive the abuser, but does that mean allowing the abuse to continue? does the relationship remain the same? or does the abuser need to change behavior? i’ve begun to recognize a pattern in my life concerning the Church: get beaten, walk away, forgive, go back, get beaten, repeat… yet we’re defined by love? it makes no sense. i’m left in this place now of having forgiven and desire reconciliation with the Church, but i am still terrified of my abuser. i am so terribly afraid that the next beating (as i’m sure one will come) will be the one that kills me.
undone
so, i’ve been pondering… why am i a Christian? why do i believe what i believe? let’s face it- looking at the religious side, it’s nothing that i want. i don’t want to smile at a bunch of people i don’t know and tell them how wonderful i am when really i’m dying inside. i don’t want to fall in line and become yet another drone going through the motions of spirituality. while, yes i am grateful for it, i don’t just want my free ticket to the afterparty in heaven. i don’t want to adopt someone’s idea of God. i am one who would dare to say that there is more to this. and i realize, none of this defines Christianity, rather they are the misconstrued by-products of what we, the Church, have tried to make it. we know what it should be, and so we have tried to make it appear to be that way, when really, it’s superficial. what we have called our faith is not real.
many of you know my dad and how amazing of a prophet and teacher he is. i remember a sermon he preached once when i was growing up. (it was one of the few times i was actually listening. man, do i regret not listening more often. my dad is freakin wise.) anyway, he said that the difference between religion and Christianity is that religion is us trying to get to God. Christianity is God finally getting to us. i understand that now more than ever.
something has happened to me recently. it was rather unexpected. honestly, i didn’t even see it coming. and i’m not quite sure what to do with it. i thought it had already happened before. i thought i already understood. i thought i had a pretty firm grasp on it. truthfully, i had no idea. it’s big. like, really freakin huge. uncontainable. are you ready for it? here it is:
i have been consumed by love.
that’s it? that’s the big, huge, uncontainable thing? yup. see, this is no “i love my mom, i love my dad, i love my dog, i love my best friend…” no, this is bigger. this is real. this is unconditional. this is standing under a waterfall and getting drenched. this is breathing for the first time and suddenly realizing that you’ve been suffocating your whole life. this is joy, pure joy. this is being deeply known. this is passionate. this is leaping over walls. this is being able to fully trust. this is abondoning myself. this is desperation. as david crowder says, this is revolutionary love. this is fearless. i am in absolute love with my King, YHWH, and i have been undone. i see now that i can know all there is to know in scripture. i can know all about God. but none of it matters if i don’t know Him. i mean deeply, intimately know Him. come into His chambers know Him. lay myself before His Throne know Him.
and it is a love like this that drives me to prayer. it’s this love that raises a desire within me to turn to scripture to know His character, for it is in scripture that i turn to the ones who have known Him deeply, the ones who spoke with Him in the Garden, convened with Hm on Mt Sanai, cried out to Him in times of desperation and times of joy, saw His Glory in the Transfiguration. it’s this love that causes an outpouring of worship and adoration.
and it is this love that causes me to deeply love others. as it says in acts, “they shall know you by your love for each other.” when we begin to deeply love each other unconditionally, with the pure love of Christ, that is when the world will see the mark of “Christian” upon us. that is when we are bound together as one Body, the Bride of Christ. that is when we become the Church. it’s not about putting on the sunday face and going through the motions. it’s about a pure, holy love bond between myself and YHWH first, myself and the Body second, and myself and the lost third.
this love has drawn me into His presence, and i am undone.
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13
Why I Left the Church
Why did I leave the Church? It sounds like a simple question with a simple answer. Oh, if only! If I was a typical American Christian, I could tell you that my feelings were hurt or I wasn’t being fed or any other lame excuse. Again, it’s just not that simple. Now, before I dive further into this subject, I do want to make it clear that I believe the local church is a great asset to the believer. Truthful Christian fellowship is an extremely important facet of Christian faith. My choice to step out of organized church allows me to see from a wider perspective for the purpose of discovering what God is revealing to me. I know I am playing with fire here, therefore I have maintained Christian fellowship with other believers, though not participating in organized church. And so, I beg of you, dear reader, please do not ever use this writing as an excuse or justification for leaving a local congregation. Rather, let it drive you to become an active agent of change within your congregation. That said, please bear with me as I try to answer this very difficult question.
It is often said that pastors’ kids (pk’s) are of the most troubled of species. While I’d love to divulge into my own personal theories as to why this is true, perhaps I’ll save it for another time and, for now, just say that I agree. I was born into a pastoral family, the youngest of four girls. As a pk, I’ve seen and experienced a lot when it comes to faith and religion. Let’s start at my conversion. I was around five or six years old and my family was living in California. One night, as I was going to bed, I expressed my concern to my mother that a bomb was under my bed. Now, in all reality, the likelihood that some evil mastermind was planning to take over the world starting with my bedroom was ridiculous. But, in my young, fragile mind… I needed to know that I would go to Heaven, should his evil scheme succeed and the bomb detonate. So, my mom led me in the ever-popular “Sinner’s Prayer” and I fell fast asleep.
Such is the case with many conversions today. There appears, at least to me, an attitude of “hand’em their ticket to Heaven, and send them back to their own life.” Now, I will give some credit to local congregations for taking the convert in and providing doctrinal instruction. But, at what point is the convert actually waking up to the reality of God? When are they discovering His passionate love? I was surrounded by God for the first 25 years of my life, yet I never knew that He loved me. Sure, they told me He did in Sunday School. Yes, the Bible tells me so. I’ve told others that this same love is available to them. Yet, I never knew His love. There is a huge difference between understanding God’s love and experiencing it. We do a wonderful job of teaching about the way of the cross, which is absolutely vital to the life of the believer. The convert knows about God, but when will it come down to just knowing Him.
In my work, I have heard a loud cry rising from today’s generation. And it has echoed within my own heart. It is a cry that would dare to believe that there is more to this than just playing church every Sunday morning. There’s more, so much more. This God thing; it’s bigger than we’ve made it. There is a reality of Him that we have somehow lost. It is more than we can even comprehend, yet He still reveals it. This is huge. This is revolutionary.
This is the end of Church as we know it.
And so a challenge presents itself. Do you dare to believe there is more to this God? Will you have the courage to strip away the flesh that we have assigned to Him? Can you place yourself in a position of vulnerability and be consumed by YHWH?
confessions of a broken heart
what kind of offering can i bring? what will display my love? You invite me into your chamber, and i am at a loss for words. i don’t know what to do with myself. others have brought their offerings; noise, noise, noise; empty, hallow noise. how i wish you would silence them. i see how your face cringes at their attempts. my face does the same thing. they come, saying “look how we give You praise! see how well we can do it?!” really, they just want You to praise them for their efforts. ugh, it’s so empty… and then You smile at me. i love when You do that. i smile back. You call to me. i love Your voice… i call back to You. You’re name is like the sweetest of honey: YHWH, YHWH, again i must say it; YHWH. i can see nothing else. the fire of Your passion has burned me to the deepest of depths, and we have become one. Your breath is my breath. Your heart, my heart; and we beat as one. nothing else matters here. just to be with You, just to play. i love when we laugh.
oh, how i have been scorned by this life and its false love. my heart has been so broken. at times i am a warrior, sent to fight. yet, in times like these, i am a refugee, running for my life. no where to hide. no one to trust. what’s this? i didn’t even know i was bleeding. i pull back the cloth and find the gaping wound. aaaahhhh! oh, how it hurts! is there no safe place i can heal? is there anywhere they won’t find me? oh, how it hurts. i can’t stay here, in Your chamber. what if they come looking for me? i fear the fatality of a deeper wounding. i am too fragile to move. where can i hide?
and, without a word, you tend this wound. i am baffled by your movement. you pick me up. your shoulder fits my head perfectly. my defenses fall to the ground. it is You that i trust, that i love. right here, in this moment, i am safe.
My God, take me into Your secret place. hide me away in Your shadow. remove the hideous scar this wound is leaving. this is my safe place. nothing else matters. let me spend my days in Your chamber, the resting place of my Lord. indeed, one day in Your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. better, still, is a moment, a breath, in Your bed-chamber.
shattered
so, i wrote this friday night:
shattered again
and the tears roll down my face
crying alone in the dark,
i’ve been here before.
my heart, how it aches
as i pick up the pieces one more time
my old vices gone,
i struggle to deal.
the pillow is drenched,
turn it over.
come, sleep, come
rescue me…
the things i would say if i could;
bite my tongue.
it’s lonely in this darkness
no one can see me here
left to fend for myself,
no one has to know.
come, sleep, come
rescue me…
i remember that song i wrote
… last time
“hollowness is killing me
meaningless words of feeling
loneliness becomes me
abundant love surrounding.”
here i am on my face
broken again.
the pillow is drenched,
grab a different one.
come, sleep, come
rescue me.
come, Love, come
and i will breathe again.
YHWH began a deep work in me that night. forgiveness is a big part of it. i want to be a woman of grace that extends mercy and forgiveness. i’m not that person yet, but i want to be. i am so broken, so empty, reduced to nothing. i realize now that i can’t pick up the pieces of myself, so He is. it’s kinda funny, i’ve always been known for stregth. i’m beginning to see just how fragile i am. i should have come with a stamp that said “handle with care: breaks easily,” but i didn’t. i’ve noticed how easily i am shut down. it really doesn’t take much to kill my steam. i’m not the pillar many of you thought i was. truth be told, i am so very weak, and there is actually very little that i know or understand. well, saturday morning as i was getting ready for work, YHWH gave me this from psalms:
O Lord, I have come to you for protection;
don’t let me be disgraced.
Save me and rescue me,
for you do what is right.
Turn your ear to listen to me,
and set me free.
Be my rock of safety
where I can always hide.
Give the order to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
O Lord, you alone are my hope.
I’ve trusted you, O Lord, from childhood.
Yes, you have been with me from birth;
from my mother’s womb you have cared for me.
No wonder I am always praising you!
My life is an example to many,
because you have been my strength and protection.
That is why I can never stop praising you;
I declare your glory all day long.
And now, in my old age, don’t set me aside.
Don’t abandon me when my strength is failing.
O God, don’t stay away.
My God, please hurry to help me.
But I will keep on hoping for your help;
I will praise you more and more.
I will tell everyone about your righteousness.
All day long I will proclaim your saving power,
though I am not skilled with words.
I will praise your mighty deeds, O Sovereign Lord.
I will tell everyone that you alone are just.
O God, you have taught me from my earliest childhood,
and I constantly tell others about the wonderful things you do.
Now that I am old and gray,
do not abandon me, O God.
Let me proclaim your power to this new generation,
your mighty miracles to all who come after me.
Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the highest heavens.
You have done such wonderful things.
Who can compare with you, O God?
You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,
but you will restore me to life again
and lift me up from the depths of the earth.
You will restore me to even greater honor
and comfort me once again.
Then I will praise you with music on the harp,
because you are faithful to your promises, O my God.
I will sing praises to you with a lyre,
O Holy One of Israel.
I will shout for joy and sing your praises,
for you have ransomed me.
I will tell about your righteous deeds
all day long
my God is not a liar. His promises are true. His love for me is real. i am reminded of Joseph. God always intended to place him in a position of high honor and authority. however, in order to get to where God was taking him, joseph had to be hated by his brothers, almost killed by them, sold into slavery by them, falsely accused of rape, and imprisoned. as he was going through all of this, he was never told why. God didn’t tell him that this was all a part of the plan. joseph had to go through the process to get where God was taking him. it was from prison that he was lifted up and seated in authority.
i am in a process. i know that YHWH has called me to great things, not because i think i’m some great person or totally capable or deserve it or anything like that, but because it has been prophetically spoken over me several times by many different people since i was a child. truth be told, i fear what he has called me to. honestly, why me? i’m nothing, not in a fake sense of humility, but i truely, completely believe that i am nothing; useless to this world. i have nothing to offer. why on earth would He want to use me for this thing i am called to. (i don’t dare call it anything else or even try to define it. it’s too terrifying.) He’s called me to this, and it makes no sense, because actually, i’m terrified of people. no, really. when i was little, i used to peek out the front door of our house, and then run away screaming because i was afraid. when i’m in a large group (which, to me, is more than 3 people) sometimes i have panic attacks because i don’t know what to do. and He’s going to use me? a socially inept, spiritually weak, emotionally immature chronic loner? like i said, i’m in a process. and i finally realized yesterday, i want to go through this process. it’s hard and it hurts like hell, but i will do it. He has given me an undefined destination. i must get to where i am going. i must be who He made me to be.
so this is what it means
i hate writing blogs like this when there is no great opening that i could use. i could write in my fun little story-esque fashion, but there’s no one image that would suffice. i could do one of my scriptural commentaries, however that can’t even fully explain it. Or i could just blurt it all out, but that lacks passion. perhaps i shall have to combine all of my writing methods to try to convey my heart to you, dear reader, though i fear that it may be a bit confusing. please try to follow:
i am desperate. i mean full on desperation here. the kind when you have been drowning in the ocean and being whipped around by the current and just as you’re about to surrender, you see the sun shining through the surface and suddenly you know which way is up. the kind of desperation when you’ve been backed into a corner and you’re surrounded and all hope is lost and suddenly you see your friend lurking in the shadows and his eyes say that he is ready to fight.
i pray some very foolish prayers. i remember praying with some dear friends about 3 years ago as we were beginning a very important event. i asked God that He would come and wreck our lives and tear down everything that was keeping us from Him. About a year and a half ago, a prayer began resounding in my spirit and it became my cry of worship. “YHWH, You are King! Come and have Your way among Your people!” YHWH has awakened His kingdom within me, and with that, the principles of kingdom living. You see, i began to acknowledge His Lordship in its totality. as a young believer, i had declared Him Lord of my life, but i was still the ruler of my own kingdom. it was my life, with God on the side. four years ago, that all began to change. i began to see and understand the concept of living in His kingdom, and i thought it looked good. so i encouraged others to do it. i enforced His Kingship in others’ lives. i modeled citizenship, yet i never surrendered. i remember at one point even praying that the Lord would burn every remnant of my own kingdom so that not even a thorn of it may enter His Kingdom on the heal of my shoe. i truely wanted to surrender all to Him, yet i held on to what i thought was mine, all the while admiring that which was His. i could behold His beauty, but i could never embrace it.
last fall, the Lord posed a question to me: “Are you finally ready to let go?” (my eyes fill with tears even as i write this.) i know i probably was not the most pleasant person to know at the time, but what many of you perceived as anger, resentment, bitterness, and offense in me really wasn’t any of that at all. truth be told, i was in the fight of my life. i was wrestling with the Lord over the things He was asking me to lay down. there were some who tried to draw out conversation to try to figure out what was going on, but i was never able to quite put any of it into words. (side note- i am so terribly sorry to those of you who were hurt during some of those conversations.) i felt like the first thing He was asking me to lay down was my leadership in youth. and it absolutely broke my heart. i know a lot of you were upset by that decision. i also know that’s why a lot of you decided to leave. to the teens that are reading this: i absolutely love you. i have so enjoyed watching you all grow in Christ. though many of our paths have parted, not a day goes by that i don’t thank and praise YHWH for letting me be a part of His story in your life, and you in mine. i have often thought that my arms are too small because all i want is to grab all of you in a huge hug and tell you how much i love you. i am so sorry to those who were hurt or upset by my departure. The Lord was asking me to lay it down, and at the time i could not explain why. i didn’t really understand it then. i simply could not lead you in a principle that i did not know how to practice.
well, eventually the Lord also asked me to lay down my posistion within Hope Centre. now, that surrender was a little messier, and i’m not quite sure that i have words for all of it yet. even as i sit here, my mind goes blank as i try to wrap my head around it. what i do know is that at the point of my resignation, i was ready to walk away from everything, including God. i had seen reality and i was done. yet the Lord grabbed a hold of me and showed me a Third Way, His Way, perhaps The Way. He showed me the Way of Love.
*** a brief note for those of you who know why all of those are capitalized. (for those of you who don’t, you can skip this part.) perhaps we somehow missed it. perhaps the Third Way really has nothing to do with nonviolence. maybe nonviolence is just a part of it. i challenge you to ponder: could the Third Way possibly be more accurately referred to as the Way of Love?***
as you can see in many of my other blogs, the Lord has had me on a journey of love. He has drawn me into Himself so that i may know His love in its entirety. and His love has consumed me. His love has brought me to this point of desperation. there is an old song that we sang at the church i grew up in. i think it was written in the ’90s, but it could have been the ’80s:
“Take Me In”
Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy Place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
And the Priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
But it’s only found in one place
[Chorus:]
Take me into the holy of holies
Take me in by the blood of the lamb
Take me into the holy of holies
Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am
i am not satisfied to stay in the outer courts. the inner courts are not close enough to his glory. i have to come into His presence, the Holy of Holies. (for those who don’t know what any of this means, research the temple of the Israelites.) oh, the joy of being so intimate with YHWH! consider this from exodus 33:
8 Whenever Moses went out to the Tent of Meeting, all the people would get up and stand in the entrances of their own tents. They would all watch Moses until he disappeared inside. 9 As he went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and hover at its entrance while the Lord spoke with Moses. 10 When the people saw the cloud standing at the entrance of the tent, they would stand and bow down in front of their own tents. 11 Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Afterward Moses would return to the camp, but the young man who assisted him, Joshua son of Nun, would remain behind in the Tent of Meeting.
Moses Sees the Lord‘s Glory
12 One day Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Take these people up to the Promised Land.’ But you haven’t told me whom you will send with me. You have told me, ‘I know you by name, and I look favorably on you.’ 13 If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.”
14 The Lord replied, “I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.”
15 Then Moses said, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place. 16 How will anyone know that you look favorably on me—on me and on your people—if you don’t go with us? For your presence among us sets your people and me apart from all other people on the earth.”
17 The Lord replied to Moses, “I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.”
18 Moses responded, “Then show me your glorious presence.”
19 The Lord replied, “I will make all my goodness pass before you, and I will call out my name, Yahweh,[c] before you. For I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose. 20 But you may not look directly at my face, for no one may see me and live.” 21 The Lord continued, “Look, stand near me on this rock. 22 As my glorious presence passes by, I will hide you in the crevice of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will remove my hand and let you see me from behind. But my face will not be seen.”
could you imagine?! to speak with God and have Him reveal His glory?! i want to know Him like THAT. forget everything else.
i am desperate, and i am running with all that is within me. all has been lost in my kingdom, and i realize, i don’t even care. i am full-fisted banging on the door of the Holy of Holies, screaming for my King. yes, i am indeed violently desperate.
when justice meets love
The Church is lifeless and unnervingly at rest. She has adopted liturgy and order to make God structured and predictable, as though He were an acquaintance to smile at as She continues on her merry way, and She has forgotten that His is the swift fist of justice. Her rest is disturbing. It is a restless rest. Her breath is expelled. Her body is decaying. With a stench. She is aware of the Gospel beyond salvation, this Kingdom with this way that She would rather theorize than practice.
Just as the Pharisees could not fathom Jesus’ message (they called him a heretic), we, as Christians, often allow our misconceptions of God’s character to determine our expectancy of His actions. We seek the works of His mighty fist, yet God gives us His heart. We seek a display of His great showmanship, yet God gives us a deep love for the lost and forgotten. We seek a weekly sensory experience, yet God gives us a new way, The Way, to establish justice amidst broken systems and redeem the ones these very systems have brutally oppressed.
These unofficial policies, or kairos, will inevitably invoke false love- a quasi-sympathetic “How are you?” to appear authentic- while dismissing the brokenness of the person. This false love is a bold attempt to marginalize the oppressed. It is an idea of “acceptable philanthropy,” the unresolved statements of issue by religion, celebrities, and, well, religious celebrities that supporting a cause provides a solution. The true love of Christ, however, is not substandard or contemptible. It recognizes the oppression of the marginalized and confronts the “acceptable philanthropy” that would pacify, antagonize, or nullify the injustice permeating our very existence.
The messianic message boldly confronts systemic justice, because systemic injustice is the cornerstone of oppression. Castes, neighborhoods, and statistical predictions are mostly defined by opportunity based on average income.
Freedom from power requires an intercession between the oppressed and the oppressor. Since government and industry leaders will improbably step aside, the marginalized will have to learn to navigate the Oppression Scheme while still entrenched in it. To the Christian’s idea of being “holy” while still profiting (monetary or not) from systemic injustice, Jesus answers a declarative refusal.
Despite the common belief that vengeance was justice, Jesus contended that love is justice. Light does not succumb to darkness, but instead illuminates the shadows. So Jesus seeks those who have sinned, or who are addicted or forgotten or poor, without the cause of vengeance. Jesus does not respond unjustly; instead, those that the Systems have rendered useless are given purpose. Love, he believed, was not intended to be withheld; instead, it was God’s decisive element of reconciliation. God’s love cannot be earned; instead, it is freely and joyously given. It will not be contained or suspended in religious programs and piety; it will be, by the Christian’s willingness to follow this Way of Love that we, in our humanness, know so very little about, a light breaching the night.
Love will be our anthem because it is God’s anthem. And what is it that would compel such compassion in us?It is His intolerance for the injustice of the Systems and Powers and Principalities of this world. To exalt His Kingdom reign is to turn our hearts- and our actions- towards the oppressed. It is to boldly stand between those who have been browbeaten and demoralized and their oppressors and cry out, “Enough! Enough!” Not for the sake of inner piety but because it is what we were created for. His justice rolls like a river and when we encounter the world’s false justice we are compelled to admit no substitute for the pure love that compels us to action. To feel substance inundate the very core of our being and be consumed by the passionate fire of God’s love.
This touches the very heart of God because it is the element the drives His hand and turns His face.
LOVE.
Brokenness and pain are not from God’s hand: Stand and redeem it. While all must face the consequences of their choices, where the burden is too heavy to bear: Stand and redeem it. Live among the parenthetical populous with their welfare and their second-, third, and fourth- hand clothing: Redeem it. Challenge the Powers and Principalities that would imprison the broken and defeated: Redeem it. Let love dawn in the darkness of unjust systems and authorities that would wield subjugation and tyranny as well-forged weapons: Redeem it. As the blessings fluently flow, now pour them out: Redeem it. Live the redemption song of our Savior. Dance upon injustice.
