the beautiful breaking

undone

May 10, 2009 at 9:44 pm (Christianity, faith, Jesus, love)

so, i’ve been pondering… why am i a Christian? why do i believe what i believe? let’s face it- looking at the religious side, it’s nothing that i want. i don’t want to smile at a bunch of people i don’t know and tell them how wonderful i am when really i’m dying inside. i don’t want to fall in line and become yet another drone going through the motions of spirituality. while, yes i am grateful for it, i don’t just want my free ticket to the afterparty in heaven. i don’t want to adopt someone’s idea of God. i am one who would dare to say that there is more to this. and i realize, none of this defines Christianity, rather they are the misconstrued by-products of what we, the Church, have tried to make it. we know what it should be, and so we have tried to make it appear to be that way, when really, it’s superficial. what we have called our faith is not real.

many of you know my dad and how amazing of a prophet and teacher he is. i remember a sermon he preached once when i was growing up. (it was one of the few times i was actually listening. man, do i regret not listening more often. my dad is freakin wise.) anyway, he said that the difference between religion and Christianity is that religion is us trying to get to God. Christianity is God finally getting to us. i understand that now more than ever.

something has happened to me recently. it was rather unexpected. honestly, i didn’t even see it coming. and i’m not quite sure what to do with it. i thought it had already happened before. i thought i already understood. i thought i had a pretty firm grasp on it. truthfully, i had no idea. it’s big. like, really freakin huge. uncontainable. are you ready for it? here it is:

i have been consumed by love.

that’s it? that’s the big, huge, uncontainable thing? yup. see, this is no “i love my mom, i love my dad, i love my dog, i love my best friend…” no, this is bigger. this is real. this is unconditional. this is standing under a waterfall and getting drenched. this is breathing for the first time and suddenly realizing that you’ve been suffocating your whole life. this is joy, pure joy. this is being deeply known. this is passionate. this is leaping over walls. this is being able to fully trust. this is abondoning myself. this is desperation. as david crowder says, this is revolutionary love. this is fearless. i am in absolute love with my King, YHWH, and i have been undone. i see now that i can know all there is to know in scripture. i can know all about God. but none of it matters if i don’t know Him. i mean deeply, intimately know Him. come into His chambers know Him. lay myself before His Throne know Him.

and it is a love like this that drives me to prayer. it’s this love that raises a desire within me to turn to scripture to know His character, for it is in scripture that i turn to the ones who have known Him deeply, the ones who spoke with Him in the Garden, convened with Hm on Mt Sanai, cried out to Him in times of desperation and times of joy, saw His Glory in the Transfiguration. it’s this love that causes an outpouring of worship and adoration.

and it is this love that causes me to deeply love others. as it says in acts, “they shall know you by your love for each other.” when we begin to deeply love each other unconditionally, with the pure love of Christ, that is when the world will see the mark of “Christian” upon us. that is when we are bound together as one Body, the Bride of Christ. that is when we become the Church. it’s not about putting on the sunday face and going through the motions. it’s about a pure, holy love bond between myself and YHWH first, myself and the Body second, and myself and the lost third.

this love has drawn me into His presence, and i am undone.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13