a few short thoughts
so, i haven’t been posting lately because my life has been a little hectic, but i have still been writing and thought i would post a few different things here. they’re not all necessarily connected, but i can definitely see a theme.
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The Church is a people who find ourselves rooted firmly in the iniquity of the systems we speak against. We are forging steel for skyscrapers while families are still living in tents. We are hording resources for our own children while soup kitchens run dry. We are bottle-feeding the infants of the world while our own have no sustenance for their souls. We are indebting ourselves to a lifestyle we were never supposed to have, acquiring mansions we were never supposed to dwell in, sacrificing our faith to defend indulgences we were never supposed to worship. We are enslaved.
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You were raised in a virtuous home; loving father and a mother who always seemed to know the right answer. They trained you and your siblings to be charitable and demonstrated to you how to give thanks before every meal. At church, you were told about God and recited all the memory verses with the other children. There was David and Goliath, wee little Zachias and his sycamore tree, and sweet baby Moses floating down a river in a basket. You were told about the joys of self-provision and were thankful to depend on an economy dominated by good Christian businessmen. With one hand on your bank account and the other in the stock market, you swore allegiance to faith and coin, for “In God We Trust” was printed on every currency. But recently you have started to question if this is actually how God designed us to be. And you doubt if God is actually functioning through our man-made systems. Maybe, you ponder, God had a vitally peculiar economy in mind…
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Deeper still, the love I want is a love that follows my emotional whims: a love of which I can justify familiarly, romantically, after over-analyzing and measurement of acts of confession. I want this love because it will substantiate my own selfish ambitions. It will validate my idea of being a self-actualized being. The final product is that I am my own love; and this love I’ve made becomes my hate. No one lays down their life for the love they wanted. No one is moved to justice by a self-serving love. No one is overcome with ambition to shelter the homeless, to defend the abused, to redeem the oppressor, to mend the broken, because of the love they wanted. They would much rather dwell in the safety of their self-assured circle of influence where it’s comfortable.
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This reality acts as an uncontrollable vehicle setting off the triggers in the field of land mines of the love we desire, the love that prompts our own righteous indignation and self preservation, until it crumbles and exposes in its place a rather peculiar love, a humble love, a broken love, a love presented in the humility of spirit, a love that shows up in discipline and correction, in smile and embrace, in brother and friend: a love that boldly declares, “All is not lost; I am the Way.”
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I believe in love. I believe in living it as a truth that cannot be denied, as an element that reaches far beyond romanticism, as a catalyst that compels justice. I believe in its righteousness, in its unequivocal power to unite the victim with the oppressor, to unite the broken man with the humble friend, to unite the parenthetical population with the majority that put them there.
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In Reference to Resigning from Ministry
It was odd, but before that day I had never understood the pain of burying a broken, barely beating heart. When I watched them come down the stairs to take me in, I realized the truth, the undeniable injustice, of turning someone away when love is the greatest need. I was not dead, I was broken just as they were broken. My spirit was still ablaze—interceding for the people, counseling the abused, loving the despised, guiding the lost—everything useless in the end. I would still choose the greater Love when I drove away, when I was being shunned by the ones I once called family. My ears heard the defeated cries and ruined dreams, and my soul still ached, longed, pleaded—pleaded for the lives of the ones who had broken my heart. We were a band of fallen soldiers dying together, crawling, breathing, searching, believing the same truth; and in just a day, with a startling crash, one of our hearts would shatter – one truth less, one love less.
Tyson said,
July 27, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Whoa, this is way to stream-of-consciousness for me to follow. You might want to provide a translation. Or maybe this blog is for your own personal consumption only?
I think I have an idea that you believe the church (well, the American church, at least) is too enmeshed in the world system. I would heartily agree to that. One of the things I got from Jim Wallis’ book on God and politics was that the church needs to act in a prophetic role … always speaking God’s words to the culture.
But we can gripe all we want about the church … the question is: what are you going to do about it? The answer, for me, was to be a part of reforming the church according to the convictions God has given me. That means hard work of discipleship and missions work (both local and abroad). I believe God has His people quietly working away at building His church the way He wants. His work goes on, as it always has. The fads and movements will all pass away, but this true work won’t. We don’t need headlines. We need quiet obedience and dogged determination.
Keep the faith!
amydizzle said,
July 28, 2009 at 3:53 am
tyson-
thanks for your thoughts. this series is written partially for myself and partially for the community of believers that i am directly involved with, so there is some language that is specific to us. again, as i stated in the post, they were not all written together. they are simply a collection of short thoughts that i’ve jotted down. i can see some of what you are saying about your interpretation, however i think your solution could go further. it’s great to go on missions. in fact, it is very much needed. why, just last week, a group of 37,000 lutheran teen-agers accomplished what would have taken 3 years for normal crews to do in new orleans. so, yes, missions are a vital part of the Church. but what about living intentionally on a daily basis? if Christians are called not to engage culture, not to become culture, but to be the counter-culture, then at what point is our daily life proclaiming to the world, “look! i see another way! i see the Way!” we are called to embody and live the revolution that is Christ’s love. on a personal level, i have had difficulty finding a body of believers that truly does this, so i have been left to do it on my own.
Tyson said,
July 28, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Thanks for replying, Amy. I think we’re on the same wavelength in what we mean by “missions.” I believe God has many people out there who are passionate for Him and zealous to do His will, and who realize that’s not exactly what they’re seeing in the church on the whole. When these people work to reform the church according to these God-given convictions, they are helping Jesus to prepare His bride (a glorious church that is obedient to Him in everything).